Star Trek Gallery on Trekterest.com

RULES OF ACQUISITION Star Trek Gallery


THE FERENGI RULES OF AQUISITION




#1 Once you have their money ... you never give it back.

#2 You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try.

#3 Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.

#4 A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.

#5 If you can't break a contract, bend it.

#6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.

#7 Keep your ears open.

#8 Small print leads to large risks.

#9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.

#10 Greed is eternal.

#11 Latinum isn't the only thing that shines.

#12 Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.

#13 Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

#14 Anything stolen is pure profit.

#15 Acting stupid is often smart.

#16 A deal is a deal ...until a better one comes along.

#17 A contract is a contract is a contract, but only with a Ferengi.

#18 A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.

#19 Satisfaction is not guaranteed.

#20 When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat.

#21 Never place friendship above profit.

#22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind.

#23 Never take the last coin, but be sure to get all the rest.

#24 Never ask when you can take.

#25 There's always a ways out.

#26 As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.

#27 There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.

#28 Morality is always defined by those in power.

#29 When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying.

#30 Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money.

#31 Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ...insult something he cares about instead.

#32 Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects.

#33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss.

#34 Peace is good for business.

#35 Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon.

#36 Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore.

#37 You can always buy back a lost reputation.

#38 Free advertising is cheap.

#39 Friendship is temporary, profit is forever.

#40 She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.

#41 Profit is its own reward.

#42 Only negotiate when you are certain to profit.

#43 War is good for business.

#44 Never confuse wisdom with luck.

#45 Profit has limits. Loss has none.

#46 Make your shop easy to find.

#47 Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.

#48 The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

#49 Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent.

#50 Gratitude can bring on generosity.

#51 Never admit a mistake if they're someone else to blame.

#52 Never ask when you can take.

#53 Sell first; ask questions later.

#54 Never buy anything you can't sell.

#55 Always sell at the highest possible profit.

#56 Pursue profit; women come later.

#57 Good customers are as rare as latinum -- treasure them.

#58 There is no substitute for success.

#59 Free advice is seldom cheap.

#60 Keep your lies consistent.

#61 Never buy what can be stolen.

#62 The riskier the road, the greater the profit.

#63 Power without profit is like a ship without an engine.

#64 Don't talk shop; talk shopping.

#65 Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.

#66 Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it.

#67 Anyone asking to be relieved is not crazy and must be forced to serve.

#68 Ear stroking will get you anything.

#69 Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.

#70 Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise.

#71 There's a customer born every minute.

#72 Never trust your customers.

#73 If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.

#74

#75 Home is where the heart is ...but the stars are made of latinum.

#76 Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

#77 Go where no Ferengi has gone before; where there is no reputation there is profit.

#78 When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules.

#79 Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.

#80 If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn't work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique.

#81 There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.

#82 The flimsier the product, the higher the price.

#83 Revenge is profitless.

#84 A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.

#85 Never let the competition know what you're thinking.

#86 A wife is a luxury, a smart accountant a necessity

#87 Trust is the biggest liability of all.

#88 When the boss comes to dinner, it never hurts to have the wife wear something.

#89 Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.

#90 Mine is better than ours.

#91 He who drinks fast pays slow.

#92 Never confuse wisdom with luck.

#93 He's a fool who makes his doctor his heir.

#94 Females and finances don't mix.

#95 Expand or die.

#96 For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule. (except when there's not)

#97 Enough ...is never enough.

#98 Act without delay! The Sharp knife cuts quickly.

#99 Trust is the biggest liability of all.

#100 Everything that has no owner, needs one.

#101 The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to purchase it for.

#102 Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.

#103 Sleep can interfere . . .

#104 Faith moves mountains ...of inventory.

#105 Wise men don't lie, they just bend the truth.

#106 There is no honor in poverty.

#107 A warranty is valid only if they can find you.

#108 A woman wearing clothes is like a man without profit.

#109 Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.

#110 Only a fool passes up a business opportunity.

#111 Treat people in your debt like family ...exploit them.

#112 Never have sex with the boss's sister.

#113 Always have sex with the boss.

#114

#115

#116 There's always a catch.

#117 You can't free a fish from water.

#118 Never cheat a honest man offering a decent price.

#119 Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet.

#120 Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.

#121 Everything is for sale, even friendship.

#122 As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.

#123

#124 Friendship is temporary, profit is forever.

#125 A lie isn't a lie until someone else knows the truth.

#126 A lie isn't a lie, it's just the truth seen from a different point of view.

#127 Gratitude can bring on generosity.

#128 Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.

#129 Never trust your customers.

#130 Never trust a beneficiary.

#131

#132 The flimsier the produce, the higher the price.

#133 Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet ...sometimes, good things come in small packages.

#134

#135 The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.

#136

#137 Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father.

#138 Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder.

#139 Wives serve, brothers inherit.

#140 The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more.

#141 Only fools pay retail.

#142 A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.

#143 The family of Fools is ancient.

#144 There's nothing wrong with charity ...as long as it winds up in your pocket.

#145 Always ask for the costs first.

#146

#147 New customers are like razor toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.

#148 Opportunity waits for no one.

#149 Females and finances don't mix.

#150 Make your shop easy to find.

#151 Sometimes, what you get free costs entirely too much.

#152 Ask not what your profirs can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits.

#153

#154 The difference between manure and Latinum is commerce.

#155 What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.

#156 Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.

#157 You are surrounded by opportunities; you just have to know where to look.

#158 Don't pay until you have the goods.

#159 The customer is always right ...until you have their cash.

#160 Respect is good, Latinum is better.

#161 Never kill a customer, unless you make more profit out of his death than out of his life.

#162 Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.

#163 A thirsty customer is good for profit, a drunk one isn't.

#164 Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else's.

#165 Never allow one's culture's law to get in the way of a universal goal: profit.

#166 Never give away for free what can be sold.

#167 If a deal is fairly and lawfully made, then seeking revenge especially unprofitable revenge, is illegal.

#168 Beware of relatives bearing gifts.

#169 Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.

#170 Never gamble with an empath.

#171 Time is Latinum. The early Ferengi gets the Latinum.

#172 If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it.

#173 A piece of Latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer's pocket.

#174 Share and perish.

#175 When everything fails... A.) Scream as loud as you can B.) Run.

#176 Ferengis don't give promotional gifts!

#177 Know your enemies ...but do business with them always.

#178 The world is a stage - don't forget to demand admission.

#179 Whenever you think that things can't get worse, the FCA will be knocking on your door.

#180 Never offer a confession when a bribe will do.

#181 Not even dishonestly can tarnish the shrine of profit.

#182 Whenever you're being asked if you are god, the right answer is YES.

#183 Genius without opportunity is like Latinum in the mine.

#184 There are three things you must not talk to aliens: sex, religion and taxes.

#185 If you want to ruin yourself there are three known ways: gambling is the fastest, women are the sweetest, and banks are the most reliable way.

#186 There are two things that will catch up with you for sure: death and taxes.

#187 Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing.

#188 Never bet on a race you haven't fixed.

#189 Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.

#190 Hear all, trust nothing.

#191

#192 Never cheat a Klingon ...unless you're sure you can get away with it.

#193 Klingon women don't dance tango.

#194 It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.

#195 Wounds heal, but debt is forever.

#196 Only give money to people you know you can steal from.

#197 Never trust your customers, especially if they are your relatives.

#198 Employees are the rungs on your ladder to success - don't hesitate to step on them.

#199 The secret of one person is another person's opportunity.

#200 If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.

#201 The justification for profit is profit.

#202

#203

#204 When the Grand Nagus arrives to offer you a business oportunity, it's time to leave town until he's gone.

#205 When the customer dies, the money stops a-comin'.

#206 Fighting with Klingons is like gambling with Cardassians - it's good to have a friend around when you lose.

#207 Never trust a hardworking employee.

#208 Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer. (or =>)

#208 Sometimes, the only thing more dangerous than a question is... the answer.

#209 Tell them what they want to hear.

#210 A wife, who is able to clean, saves the cleaning lady.

#211

#212 If they accept your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.

#213 Stay neutral in conflicts so that you can sell supplies to both sides.

#214 Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.

#215 Instinct without opportunity is useless.

#216 Never take hospitality from someone worse off than yourself.

#217 Only pay for it, if you are confronted with a loaded phaser.

#218 Always know what you're buying.

#219 Possession is 11/10 of the law.

#220 Profit is like a bed of roses - a few thorns are inevitable.

#221 Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes.

#222 Knowledge is Latinum.

#223 Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.

#224 Never throw anything away: It may be worth a lot of Latinum some Stardate.

#225 Pride comes before a loss.

#226 Don't take your family for granted, only their Latinum.

#227 Loyality can be bought... and sold.

#228 All things come to those who wait, even Latinum.

#229 Latinum lasts longer than lust.

#230 Manipulation may be a Ferengi's greatest tool, and liability.

#231 If you steal it, make sure it has warranty.

#232 Life's not fair (How else would you turn a profit?)

#233 Every dark cloud has a Latinum lining.

#234 Never deal with a beggar; it's bad for profits.

#235 Don't trust anyone who trusts you.

#236 You can't buy fate.

#237 There's a sucker born every minute. Be sure you're the first to find each one.

#238 The truth will cost.

#239 Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

#240 The higher you bid, the more customers you drive away.

#241 Never underestimate the importance of the first impression.

#242 More is good ...all is better.

#243 If you got something nice to say, then SHOUT.

#244 If you can't sell it, sit on it, but never give it away.

#245

#246 He that speaks ill of the wares will buy them.

#247 Never question luck.

#248 Celebrate when you are paid, not, when you are promised.

#249 Respect other culture's beliefs; They'll be more likely to give you money.

#250 A dead vendor doesn't demand money.

#251 Satisfaction is not guaranteed.

#252 Let the buyer beware.

#253 A contract without fine print is a fool's document.

#254 Anyone who can't tell fake doesn't deserve the real thing.

#255 A wife is a luxury ...a smart accountant a necessity.

#256 Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse.

#257 Only fools negotiate with their own money.

#258 A Ferengi is only as important as the amount of Latinum he carries in his pockets.

#259 A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know.

#260 Gambling is like the way to power: The only way to win is to cheat, but don't get caught in the process.

#261 A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.

#262 No lobes, no profit.

#263 Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.

#264 It's not the size of your planet, but it's income, that matters.

#265

#266 When in doubt, lie.

#267 Cheating is wrong, but it's good for business.

#268 Latinum is better than everything.

#269 A man is counted by his latinum.

#270 It´s better to have gambled and lost than to never have gambled at all.

#271 There's many witty men whose brains can't line their pockets.

#272 The way to a Ferengi's heart is through his wallet.

#273 Always count their Latinum before selling anything.

#274 There is no profit in love; however, a strong heart is worth a few bars of Latinum on the open market. Keep it on ice.

#275 Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.

#276 If at first you don't succeed, try to acquire again.

#277 Diamonds may be girl's best friends, but you can only buy the girl with Latinum.

#278 It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.

#279 Never close a deal too soon after a female strokes your lobes.

#280 An empty bag cannot stand upright.

#281 Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell.

#282 Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner.

#283 Rules are always subject to change.

#284 Deep down everyone's a ferengi.

#285 No good deed ever goes unpunished.

#286 When Morn leaves, it's all over. [Quark's Rule.]

#299 Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time. [Neelix "False Profits"]

REVISED RULES



The revised rules are from the "Prophet Motive", when the Prophets de-evolved Grand Nagus Zek into a Ferengi with a value system not based on profit.
The rules that Zek declared were not accepted, and all copies were destroyed, after Zek.


#1. If they want their money back, give it to them. [Quark, "Prophet Motive"]

#10. Greed is dead. [Quark, "Prophet Motive"]

#21. Never place profit before friendship. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]

#22. Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]

#23. Money can never replace dignity. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]

#285. A good deed is its own reward. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]


Please mail me if you know others rules, if you think any of the rules on this page are incorrects, not Ferengi or if you have a better one.